~from the june 2006 archives~
this post is dedicated to my grandmama beloved
march 19, 1920 thru june 11, 2001…
i know you love me
i can tell by the that you kiss me tight when you hug me
took me to school the very first day u gave me a piece of butterscotch sent me on my way
u know its frightening now i can tell by the pain in your eyes when the rent was late again
to strong to fold being on your own Lord bless her soul….
mama knows love…
my grandma was born in a small town named seven springs, mississippi. she was the only child of one of the seven freed slaves that owned all of the land in seven springs. her mother was killed by a group of white men when she was 8 years old and although i didn’t find out the entire story until after my grandmother’s death, i realize now how much that affected her life…her father, my great grandfather, had to run-lest the same men that killed my great grandmother come after him…so she was shuffled from family member to family member. by the time she met my grandfather, she was ready to have a family of her own.
mama knew love like the back roads
used to fall asleep daily in her work clothes
mom i swear you never have to worry again
mama knew love like the back streets
used to wipe pee just to make the ends meet
mom i swear you never have to worry again
my great grandmother’s family (my grandmother’s mother) was educated and affluent. my great great grandfather was one of the first negro circuit court judges and my great great grandmother began her own school for black children in the south and so, even though my grandmother only had a sixth grade education – she was determined that her descendents would achieve the things that she was not able to.
she was a maid for many well-known white politicians and leaders in mississippi. she would bring my mother their children’s old school books and make sure that those families made a way for my mother (and myself) to be taken care of financially when she (we) went away to college. up until her death, many of those politicians’ children would call her “mama” and visit her and send her gifts. she was the first person in my family that i saw “wear the mask”. she saw beyond her own circumstances and had a plan for generations after her that she could conceptualize, but could not physically see. she took such good care of those children and became an irreplacable fixture in their lives because she wanted to use her influence on them to help my mother to leave jackson, ms and become successful. she wanted my mother’s children to build on that success and multiply our blessings….and so…she wore “the mask”.
up bright and early scrambled eggs swellin’ in ya legs bills on the bed
still you managed to show me a smile
then walk to work about two or three miles
mom I’m gonna struggle witcha
i’m gonna help you see the bigger picture
you gave me something no one could take away
you made it so easy to say…i love ya mama
when i look back on it now, i never heard my grandmother complain about her life – not once. the only thing she ever wanted in life was to see the goals that my great great mother set for our family be achieved through both me and my mother…and we did it. the friday before she had her final stroke, she sat my mother and i down and asked us if we had finished our end of the year tasks for school. it was the week after post planning and i remember both of us telling her that we’d just finished up our requirements. she smiled peacefully and nodded, as if she were content.
a month after her funeral, my mother officially retired from the school system but came back as an administrative liasion for the state and i left teaching that year and became a guidance counselor…both of us, i believe, being propelled by the spirit of my grand mother and my great great grandmother. it was them that i thanked last week, when i found out that passed my educational leadership certification exam…because i know that their spirits were with me.
mama knew love like the back roads
used to fall asleep daily in her work clothes
mom i swear you never have to worry again
mama knew love like the back streets
used to wipe pee just to make the ends meet
mom i swear you never have to worry again
a few weeks ago, i found some letters that my grandmother had written to God (funny how things come full circle – because i write letters to God too and never knew that she did as well) . she wrote about her dreams for my mother, me and my children. and although she’ll never be able to physically hold my children, i know that she’ll be one of their angels – as she is mine…and that each day i live is a testament to her and her prayers for our family.
i love you, grandma. i promise that i’ll make all of your prayers come true.
~anthony hamilton – mama knew love~
