Just because you’re finished with your past, doesn’t necessarily mean that your past is finished with you.
The key to my heart still resides in Florida. When I was younger, I met a guy and I fell head over heels in love. I had just graduated from college, working my first job and out of nowhere my first passionate, grown-up love hit me like a ton of bricks.
Don’t get me wrong. He didn’t just appear out of nowhere – I knew that he was waiting for me to surrender to him a few years before we ever got together. What I didn’t know, was that our liasion would be such a pivitol one. Or that it would still haunt me today.
We lived in different places so our weekends would often be spent in The Keys**. Even on days that weren’t planned, it was not unusual for one of us to tell the other to meet them in The Keys and we were there. It was a place where we created our universe, one that was understandably even more perfect that our every day interaction.
If I keep my eyes closed long enough and allow myself to remember, I can feel my heartbeat slow to an even pace and my breathing becomes relaxed. I always felt calm and relaxed with him. His presence made me feel desired and beautiful – worshiped almost. It was like our days, hours and minutes held the cadence of a smooth R&B song, or a soothing neo-soul hit.
Of course, when I open my eyes, reality snaps me right out of the dream. The truth of the matter was that what we shared was only a pit stop in the journey of our lives and while I no longer love him – I cannot let go of The Keys.
I know that since that experience, I haven’t been the same. I remember back then realizing for the first time that I was beautiful – wondering if it was because I was loved. I want that feeling back, but I’m so afraid that just like back then – it will only be a temporary escape.
Now that I’m older and not quite as naive, I wonder if there are women that have had ‘The Keys’ experience in their younger years and been able to recapture it as an older, wiser woman.
I sure hope so.
**Old readers, if a light bulb comes on – yeah, the inspiration for A Song for Solomon. Location has been changed to protect the guilty. 
