‘too scared to have kids…and do like daddy did…’cause im so scared of failing….’
~anthony hamilton~

Y’all know how I create vision boards/hope chests/write letters and all that type of stuff right?  Well, normally I don’t share w/ people the things that I visualize, but I’ma show y’all somethin’….come closer…but uh…remember I’m an artist…and Badu ain’t the only one that’s sensitive about her ish!

More than any other thing that I want in the world – the one moment in time that I will know that I have truly ‘made it’ is the day that I see this….

Um…yeah…I cut this out of a magazine a million years ago from a Tide ad (shut up – I may be a kinder, gentler SoJo but I’m still SoSoDef and carry blades in my cheek).   *popping collar and regaining composure*

Anyway, this image has always captivated me - and I know that the day I walk in into a room and see my son, laying on my husband’s chest – secure in his place in the world, listening to his daddy’s heartbeat – I am going to break down into uncontrollable sobs.

The main reason, of course, will be because of the realization that I am blessed beyond belief to have the family that I have always prayed for but even more than that – it’s going to be because I know that my son will not experience what so many others of us have.

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=l017_Rox0XE]

The fact that I know more people that have experienced THAT ^^^ reality as opposed to the one in my Hope Chest both frightens and saddens me.   I see so many of my male friends trying their hardest to break the cycle for their own families – stopping and starting – some stumbling along the way, trying to be men without really having a foundation…a guide…a safety net.  Wow. Sometimes, I worry about making sure that I choose the right partner because hell, looking at my familial DNA I’m not even 100% sure what ‘functional and loving’ looks like.

But I still hold on to that Tide image and I believe.  I believe in God’s promise to me.  I believe in my ability to hold on to my faith.  I believe in my future husband’s desire to create the exact same world that I dream of – one that we begin building from the ground up – with the foundation of our friendship so that we’re able to provide a home filled with life, love and laughter…and most of all – emotional security.   Thanks, God!  And so it is.

*I hate Will for making me cry.  And I ain’t talkin’ ’bout Will Smith either.  *side-eyeing Langston 2.0* HMPH.