Sojourner's Truth

   *slowly taking off warm-up suit…*

 

It seems like “ARE YOU READY?” has been the theme in the blogosphere for the last few days.  From the random tweet from Diva (In Demand) to the posts today by Serenity 3-0 and CreoleInDC, it’s like the universe keeps tugging at me to finally answer the question for myself.

So I feel as though I’ve been sitting on the bench for a while now…on injured reserve…watching my teammates playing the game – making moves – while I wait on the sidelines.  It’s given me time to reflect on the person that I was and who I would like to become.  Creole asked us for an update to her “write it down, make it happen” post.  I’ve always been one to write down my goals…and check every last milestone off to a T.  Today, she asked us if our dreams had changed.  I answered truthfully, I’m not sure right now.

Then, Serenity mentioned how the “are you ready” question had been racking her brain for the last couple of days.  She talked about how she thought she was ready for some things in her life, but in retrospect she really wasn’t.

I understand that sentiment completely.  A few years ago, I thought that I was ready to be in a monogamous relationship…when I wasn’t.  I thought that I could handle motherhood…when I couldn’t.   I thought that I had my professional goals sorted out…when they weren’t.  But more importantly, I thought that I had a pretty good grip on self-awareness and who I was…when I most certainly didn’t.

While I don’t think that my core desires have changed, I think that at this moment in my life (while I’m  taking deep breaths, doing stretches on the side-line and unzipping my jacket) that I don’t feel any pressure to do anything except just BE…which is a HUGE contrast from the last 33 1/2 years of my life.

I almost feel like this sense of calm has given me more focus than ever.  It’s allowed me to become more open and vulnerable – to give up that desire to control every aspect of my life and allow God to work thru me.  I find myself faced with similar experiences with an entirely different frame of mind – using tools that I would have never thought to utilize a few years ago. 

But the question remains “AM I READY?” and if so, “FOR WHAT?”  To be honest, I STILL can’t answer that.  What I can say, is that I am ready to release the reigns and experience whatever it is life has in store for me.  And I feel confident that I am on a winning streak.  With that attitude propelling me forward, I can’t wait to get in the game!