Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgment.
~Rita Mae Brown~

As an educator, it’s always interesting to me how people often have their preconceived notions of how their teachers, counselors and/or administrators were supposed to look. People often think “teacher” and automatically see sweater vests, denim one piece dresses and little cotton jackets w/ dangly ornaments or buttons based upon the seasons. Neeevvvvver in a million years, would someone think “teacher” and automatically conjure up this image…

….well, most of us wouldn’t (but YOU…yeah YOU silly perve…just might lol). Funny thing is, since the majority of new educators are fresh out of college (and often times extremely young, enthusiastic and attractive) – we end up falling closer to the sexy, vixen end of the spectrum than the matronly, homely side.

During my first few years of teaching, it often frustrated me that my youth and attractiveness seemed to be a putoff to some parents and even colleagues.  “What could she possibly teach my child?”  “What does she know?  I’M the one with experience!”  “Who does she think she is to even assume that she has something to offer?”  But as time went on, parents and colleagues were amazed and impressed with my level of expertise and how my background/experiences (albeit different from theirs) brought an entirely new perspective to their own teaching/learning experiences.  My first year teaching math and science – my students boasted the highest standardized test scores.  In the midst of my first few years in education, I was even voted Teacher of the Year.

Who woulda thunk?  Certainly, not the people who had an ideal image of the perfect educator based on looks, education, and experience.

So it baffles me when I encounter people who say that they would NEVER take advice from a particular person that doesn’t fall into the demographic of who they THINK the experts are:

• “Oh, I’ll NEVER take advice from man on how to maintain a relationship. What does he know about being a woman?”‘
• “Oh, I’ll NEVER take advice from a homeless person about education or predatory lending.”
• “Oh, I’ll NEVER take marriage advice from a single/divorced person.”

Really? That’s interesting. Because you MIGHT find that being on the outside looking in can give a man a better perspective on what it means to be you – seeing as how a lot of them are predators and young, unsuspecting women are prey. That homeless person may be able to tell you how to avoid the pitfalls of foreclosure or what it means to have an education but no job prospects – or even how to KEEP your job based upon some of the mistakes that he/she made. And that divorced/single person MAY be able to tell you about how married people often confide in them about some of their struggles because couples see them as a neutral party – which gives them a different perspective than the other married unit  that you tend to kee-kee it with from time to time.

I may not know a lot in this world, but one thing that I have learned to never lose the lesson because I’m too busy focused on the teacher.  The best relationship advice that I have received within the last 9 months, HASN’T been from any of my wonderful female friends.  My lesson came from a divorced, and now recently engaged serial cheater. 

Yes, my female friends (married and single) are FABULOUS.  And they truly spit good shyt – but that dude – showed me what to look out for better than any woman could.  Through my observations and interactions with him, I learned the right questions to ask and what to look for behind the veil – because the truth is, all of the things that my female friends – both real and virtual are (and the things that they say they avoid in men) are the same things that this guy’s fiance (and even I once) believed.

Now had I looked at this dude’s trifling exterior and thought to myself “What could he possibly teach me?”, I might have fallen for the okey-doke in future situations.  But I chose to accept the lesson and look beyond the teacher.  I asked a LOT of questions about him to find out the root of his arrogant behavior, so that I could spot those attributes in others.  I also asked a LOT of questions about  WHY and HOW he chooses the women he does to get into relationships with - wonderful women just like you and me …not your typical women with obvious esteem issues (remember he’s a predator and you’d be surprised at how well he wears the mask), HOW he manages to cheat on those otherwise intuitive/intelligent women  and also HOW he manages to maintain such a sparkly, clean image to the masses – because trust, to the outside world he’s a golden boy.  I listened. I absorbed.  I LEARNED.

So now, I’m not as naive as I once was.  I honestly don’t think that was a lesson that I could have ever learned from another woman or even a ‘good’ man.  And while it may seem unorthodox to some…and my lip curls whenever I think about the damage that he’s done and is still doing to women….I sincerely appreciate the lesson – and thank the universe that he was placed in my path so that I may possibly avoid becoming a victim of that type of fukkery.