One day last week, as I was rushing into the side door of my school, I held the door for one of my favorite students in the junior class who was coming in at the same time. She’s beautiful, smart, popular, athletic – the total package. I had barely put down my purse and keys, when I heard a huge commotion coming from the cafeteria and the door to our suite being forcefully thrown open. My assistant principal was leading Ms. Cutie in, her eyes blazing, her chest heaving and her face flushed, tears flowing down her cheeks….
I raised an eyebrow (my usual cool in the face of the high school storm facial expression) and said, “What happened?” My AP said, “Well…Ms. Cutie just caused a disturbance in the cafeteria, yelling at an unidentified young man, calling him a… *pausing to look at his notes*…a punk…ass…” I looked back at Ms. Cutie, who threw her head back and howled like a wolf, “He…cheated…on MEEEEEEEE!!!!!” , collapsing into a puddle of tears on the office carpet.
I narrowed my eyes, knelt down (pretending like I was murmuring soothing counselor-like words into her ear) grabbed her by the scruff of the neck and whispered through clenched teeth, “Don’t you EVUH…let the public see you act a fool like that over a lil’ boy again. Getcho behind up and get yourself together behind closed doors.”
When we got into my office I gave her a hug, but I also let her have it woman-to-woman. But first, I started off by telling her the story of a younger, much more emotional 10th grade SoJo:
{ CUE WAVY LINES AND MI’CHELE’s NO MORE LIES(1990)}Dressed in plaid Skids pajama pants and a white polo shirt, a young girl marched with purpose into Homeroom 10-5 with a large plastic Rich’s bag. Without saying a word to anyone, the girl dumped a huge pile of ashes, a charred stuffed puppy with a missing eye and other burned artifacts onto an unsuspecting 10th grade male’s desk. She proceeded to kick the desk twice and then silently stormed out. For the remainder of the month, the young girl was known as Firestarter.
{/END WAVY LINES AND MI’CHELE’s NO MORE LIES }
So um, yeah…Ms. 30-something SoJo could certainly relate the anguish and white rage that Ms. Cutie felt. LOL! That was my first and only ‘thin line between love and hate’ moment. As I sat in the principal’s office with my eyes blazing, chest heaving and face flushed, with tears flowing down my cheeks – my mama came in after being called from her classroom. Mama SoJo gave me a tender hug, then grabbed me by the hair and whispered in my ear through clenched teeth, “Don’t you EVUH…let the public see you act a fool like that over a lil’ boy again. GET YOURSELF TOGETHER BEHIND CLOSED DOORS!” 
That’s deep. And oh so true!
In so many different ways!
This is advice that young girls (and boys too ’cause I lost my mind once too) all need to hear. Dunbar’s “we wear the mask” isn’t just about facing racism, but I think it also applies to facing any sort of challenge. It’s about never letting them see you sweat. Save your emotions for the people who deserve them and who know how to properly handle them.
That good advice you passed down from MY soror. LOL
Why are you always in my head??? My original graphic for this entry was going to be Laurie Cooper’s Face Reality portrait, with the woman peeling off the mask! UGH!
But yes, the lesson to be learned goes beyond romatic outburts. Play your hand close…always.
*pointedly ignoring how Mama SoJo gets cool points but not ME!! LOL!*
I had to give that advice to a 30 year old woman once. I grabbed her and told her to stop and not to chase a man. Unfortunately she still does the public displays of being rejected. Some folks can’t be helped.
I used to listen to my grandmother talk so I always knew you got yourself together privately.
My grandma and mama wrote the book on decorum, so I KNEW better. I just chose not to DO better, which IMO is worse than a hoodrat who hasn’t been taught. Same as the girl last week, which was one of the things that I told her.
Sad thing is (and most women prone to emotional outbursts don’t realize) is that that type of behavior dilutes the quality of men that are attracted to you. Men/boys with purpose don’t want all that extra drama.
Holy Shyt! I nonchalantly went off on the ex @ someone’s house. Now I ain’t do no hollering but errbody know where her big skid mark is from (knohmean). Eff my l!fe. I didn’t emote all over the place. But I’m not the best person to report on my deportment as I was inebriated.
Now how does one nonchalantly go off? Is that like the super-smooth Claire Huxtable-esque cuss out? I thought my mama was the only one that had that on lock!
You just keep talking like your saying it’s going to rain tomorrow. Oddly enough I’ve been doing this since I was a lil Wu.
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