I don’t know about you guys, but I live inside my head quite frequently. I’ve always been the type to go completely within whenever there was chaos around me. It started when I used to hear my dad go after my mom when I was little. My head used to fill with visions of butterflies and rainbows. Those were the things that made me smile back then, so I would either close my eyes or gaze off into the distance and they would suddenly appear…

Things aren’t much different, now that I am an adult. Whenever I experience discontent, insecurity or uncomfortable vulnerability I “chase rainbows” in my head. I can stand in a roomful of people and completely zone out or I can throw back my head, laugh and dance until people think my heart is content. But the only thing in front of my eyelids during those times are butterflies and rainbows.

For a long time, I used to think there was something wrong with that. I was used to explaining  to people that over time, I had developed my own multiple personality disorder. But now I realize that it is my spirit’s way of finding balance.

The only time that it becomes a problem is when I don’t acknowledge the events that tend to send me somewhere over the rainbow. When I suppress the things that cause chaos, discontent or insecurity in my world – they magnify themselves. Sounds simple enough to recognize and remedy, but it’s taken me years to figure that out.

Part of traveling Back to the Middle requires me to endure an equal balance of discontent and satisfaction. I used to fear that vulnerable insecurity, but I’m getting better each day at recognizing  the sensation when it appears and handling the feeling without hiding.   Better still, I’m beginning to embrace and appreciate it for the blessing it truly is.  The discontent/chaos/insecurity is what propels me forward , wings spread, so that I can move towards my own pot of gold.