Most of my weekend has been spent redecorating my master bedroom.  I was soooooo geeked, y’all!!!  As I told you guys before, after my niece left – I wanted a fresh start with everything.  I moved my  bedroom furniture into her old room and completely gutted my master – room, bathroom and closet.  Most nights for the past two months,  have been spent with me sleeping on the floor in there.  Yes, I knew that a nice, warm, soft bed was awaiting me in the guest room – but I wanted to absorb the spiritual regeneration.  It was almost like taking a look at my empty soul and rebuilding it from scratch…trying to figure out what type of person that I saw myself as and/or wanted to become.

The first thing that came to me as I lay staring at the moon thru the window one night,  was the color scheme – green, gold and dark brown.  And then the most AMAZING idea ever popped into my head….

See…I create vision boards.  I have several of them.  I usually put them away when company comes (and I used to hide them from my niece) but being the scrapbooker/creative spirit/visual dreamer that I am, vision boards are like therapy.  Since I have a back wall that is hidden from the main hallway, I thought to myself – why not turn that entire wall into a life-sized vision board?  I mean the works! Texture painting the wall, HUGE affirmation statements, pictures – the whole 9.  So yeah, that’s where I am now.  The way that my bed is arranged, it will be the first thing I see when I open my eyes each morning.

The decor in my room has always had a theme that reflected where I was in life.  I have had everything from Jungle Love (leopard/zebra print) to Roots (African tapestries).  The most beautiful theme was my oceanic one – the first and only time that I was ever truly and utterly “gone” for a dude.  It was so peaceful and romantic in there that we used to find ourselves lost for days.  He would say that he felt landsick when he walked out into the real world (lol).   I later renamed it Titanic aka My Heart Will Go On (smdh).  Anyone who was ever close enough to me to enter my sacred space, knew where my spirit was depending upon what my room looked like, but not the details.  I lost that theraputic decorating gift during the last 5 years or so, so it has been an humbling experience to return to…

…except now I am petrified.  My bedroom now is about to be so raw and so uncut, that I’m afraid to let anyone enter it.  The wall that I’m going to create is gonna be so ME – not the ME that I allow everyone to see, but the ME that I aspire to be/visualize/affirm and pray to become…and that’s so very personal.  It will take a while to finish…several weeks, months possibly…but when it’s complete – I don’t know how long it will be until I feel comfortable enough to let someone in to see it.

The entire process is making me feel SO vulnerable and I know that when I do finally have someone in my space – it will be a HUGE deal for me because I never truly let people inside my head…EVER.  Revealing my subconscious – openly displayed on the canvas of my wall – is going to be a major friendship/relationship breakthrough.

As frightening as that may be, I’m still bouncing up and down like a little kid at Christmas.  My second delivery arrived today and I’m heading to Home Depot to find the perfect paint to texture the walls with (I still don’t even know what the hell that means) .  If I feel comfortable enough, I might let you guys see an out of focus pic of the finished product.  Who knows?