Comments on: Shades of Gray?

By: SoJo

SoJo — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 04:02:06 +0000

What I meant when I said “by definition” is that when you look up the word rape, most definitions will state or imply that it was “forced”. Usually the first thing that pops into a people’s heads is a physically violent act (hitting, fighting, etc) when they hear the term rape. That mindset is why it’s hard for some to wrap their minds around situations that are non-violent (statutory, alcohol induced, etc.). Of course as you guys know, it wasn’t until our generation people even began to openly discuss date rape. I think that it’s easier for women to understand both the non-violent and violent forms of rape than it is for men, which is why up until our generation – date rape and alcohol induced rape were rarely discussed.

I think that as far as consent between couples go, both parties need to be on the same page as far as consent is concerned. And yes, that conversation needs to be disussed right along with other things that go along w/ the sex talk so that there isn’t any miscommunication.

By: Diva (in Demand)

Diva (in Demand) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 22:00:30 +0000

She summed it up right there about consent. I think that is where the so called “gray area” comes into play with the original question. CONSENT. We assume that in an ongoing sexual relationship, consent is also ongoing…boyfriend/husband/who the heck ever. That’s why I said it should be included in the initial discussion….”we’re going to get it on. How do you feel about getting it on while you’re sleep? Etc, etc, etc…”

By: Ames

Ames — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 02:26:24 +0000

I think only a dangerous person would say it wasn’t rape to have sex with a person unable to give consent. It’s not gray to me. But I don’t think rape= forced sex. I think it means without consent.

The consent is why we have statutory rape. The minor can be willing and wanting and participate but they lack consent due to age. It’s rape.

In the original scenario the woman can wake up. The man is thinking she will participate. A drugged or drunk woman will not be waking up and lacks the ability to consent. That behavior is predatory.

By: SoJo

SoJo — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 02:04:42 +0000

At first, I completely agreed w/ your husband. By definition rape = forced sex. However, when someone threw in the example of the drunk chick/sober guy sex, I realized that we were wandering into a gray area.

I agree that most men think that once they engage in consensual intercourse, they think that it automatically implies no-holds barred sex w/ their girlfriends. But from what I’m seeing from both our conversation here and at the table that night – more couples need to start engaging in frank conversations before engaging in the act.

By: SoJo

SoJo — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 01:59:55 +0000

“I see all this as another example of the differences in the way men and women view secks. Men mostly see it as a physical act with potential for emotional pleasure, and women mostly see it as an emotional act with potential for physical pleasure. ”

Nail—>ForNOt<—Head

I find it funny how many of us continue to deny that there is a distinct difference in how men and women view sex, but this is one of the many examples in which we are SOOOOOO different.

Even though, on the surface level regarding this subject, I am fully capable of “acting like a man” (understanding and agreeing w/ the men in this scenario) – I still “think like a lady” (completely empathetic towards the womens’ POV). What I found interesting is that,even after attempting to explain and giving examples, most of men are still confused with why this could/would even be a potential issue.