My Thought Process….

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26fTzVncfXY&hl=en_US&fs=1&]

Maaaaan I miss the ** “GOOD” old days…pun intended….

I’d forgotten all about my “golden era”, when the only care in the world I had was finishing up my junior/senior years of college and marinatin’ on the fiyah that Goodie Mob and Outkast were spitting. You know what reminded me of it? It was something that my linesister said. Seeing her (my front ) on that ABC Nightline Special…y’all know the one….the 42%….the tragic single, black woman…yep that one….

Now I know y’all are wondering what SWATS music has to do with the price of a Steve Harvey suit, but stay with me. When Goodie first dropped, it was the first time that I had ever heard black men that were my peers articulate the need to be aware of the fact that we are still at war.  They broke down in a way that only a Dirty South bred man can, how everything society places in front of our faces to keep us feeling as though our situation is out of our control is not always as it seems. But it is ALWAYS by design:

Still smoking, still drinking, no I’m sittin’ on the Lincoln
4 A.M. thinkin’
That in reality the world is like a ball full of playas
We trapped off in this maze with walls made of layers
And only prayers is the tightest game that you can have
The devil’s takin’ a swing that might explain the broken glass…

We are a product of what we allow our thoughts to be consumed with. If we believe that our situation is barren, bleak and oppressed – it will be. A few months ago, I pretty much took a step away from all things relationship driven – discussions, blogs, media, etc. because I began to realize that it was taking a psychological toll on me. I became cynical and distrustful in my own relationships.

I reconnected with the happiest time of my life – when I didn’t know that I was supposed to be CONCERNED about dating. I didn’t know that there were rules, that I was supposed to have roundtable discussions, or offer/take advice. My LS reminded me of that towards the end of the ABC segment, when she mentioned that her last serious relationship was over 10 years ago. We were both happily involved in relationships with wonderful guys, that by all indications were headed towards marriage…something that was completely normal and natural – not stressed over or dissected under a microscope.  For both of us, I think that relationship-wise that was the most blissful time for us .  That feeling is what she meant when she said that she wasn’t willing to settle for anything less.  It’s unfortunate that the first thing people thought when she said that was that she was referring to something that was merely material in nature.

Funny thing is that the relationships, for both of us came seemingly out of the blue – not because of a piece of advice someone gave us, a strategy for dating or rulebook.   My boyfriend never thought to wonder if I was “broken” because I came from a single parent home and my father was abusive.  I didn’t question whether or not his father taught him how to be a man or whether his mother was too involved in our situation.  I didn’t have a countdown or a timeline.  I just knew what we were happy and comfortable in each other’s presence and that our value system was the same.

But now, we analyze every single detail – make flow charts, powerpoint presentations, timelines and diagrams.  And the advice?  LAWD!  Everybody has a gimmick – a book to sell, a talk show to promote, a website to garner income thru hits.  Y’all already now.  It’s a game.   But what you may not realize is that we’re playing into it when we air so much of our “dirty laundry” on television and even on these here innanets.

I honestly believe that there is a war against the black family. Imagine how powerful our community would be if our children were raised with strong, emotionally stable mothers AND fathers living under one roof. Now imagine how impotent our community becomes when our energy is focused on feeling helpless, as though we’ll never get it together, that we don’t really want each other, we’re irreparably damaged, cannot co-exist and we’re always mistrustful. It’s a psychological mind-f*ck….a modern day Willie Lynch Syndrome (yeah I know it’s a myth…but all myths have a foundation of truth). And I’m done.

The only thing that I’m focusing on in 2010 is celebrating those of you that are healing emotionally, preparing for or finding love, building families…all of the POSITIVE things happening in our lives. I don’t wanna hear or speculate about who’s cheating on who, who’s breaking up, who thought they invented sex, who’s running game or had game run on them, who’s baby ain’t whose, etc. etc.

It’s time for us…if you’re as done with that cycle as I am…. to refocus our Thought Process.

**shout out to “Brown”, my college sweetheart…and the sweet memory of the hardcore rap battles  using nothing but Goodie Mob lyrics, that we used to have with our friends that were also coupled up during that era. “GOOD” times indeed.