“Funny business, a woman’s career.  The things you drop on your way up the ladder so you can move faster.  You forget you’ll need them when you get back to being a woman.”

~Bette Davis: All About Eve~

Mama SoJo would prolly do backflips and toe touches, hire a marching band and release unicorns to know this but I have a confession to make…. I…have…turned…into…a…. *head bow*…*bashful blush*…girly…girl…

Lord knows that after years of my mama trying to give me nicknames like Lady Sojo and Elegant Angel (which I would ignore with a sneer), this revelation is truly a sign of the apocalypse. I figure, what the hell. We’ve got earthquakes, blizzards and tsunami’s that have warned the masses that these are the end of days. But what better way to TRULY set off Armageddon than the candid admission that I have morphed from the bike riding, tree climbing, combat boot wearing, rusty blade carrying SoJo into a Classic movie watching, skirt, pumps and perfume wearing GIRL! *swoon and faint* <— see what I did there? LOL!

I’ve been trying for the longest to pinpoint the exact moment that I began to notice this change. I mean, I’ve always been babied by my male friends/boyfriends. I’ve never rebelled against being called “The Baby Girl” or resting comfortably in the fact that my best friend, Eric, hovers like a protective lion – treating me like a fragile piece of glass and ready to pounce or anything that poses a threat. Or even that my high school, college and twenties loves were all very manly, take-charge, athletic Alpha-type men. Those things have always been there.

But now, beyond my companion prototype, there is a distinct difference in ME. Emotionally, I realize that I embrace the feminine part of my nature. While I used to attract Alpha-males, my MO was to “break” them. Turn them into clingy, needy, emoting, almost feminine acting guys – while I maintained the “upper hand” by remaining distant…controlled. The moment that I knew that I “had” them was truly intoxicating. For some reason, that existence was satisfying. But now, instead of hiding behind a masculine bravado, I feel comfortable admitting that I crave security, attention and the freedom to be…well….a woman….to FEEL. I LIKE the fact that although I am fully capable, intelligent and resourceful, I understand that I NEED a guy in my life to “handle the man ish” – take charge, offer suggestions, problem solve, etc. I WANT to be able to cultivate the nurturing, caring, emoting side of myself because I don’t HAVE to worry about the other stuff. I no longer want to “break” a guy…I want to BUILD with one. To exist in harmony…balance…sun and moon…earth, air, fire, water.

It’s funny. I was watching “All About Eve”, the other day when Bette Davis (the aging actress) acknowledged that while young women are career-chasing, they tend to forget about the feminine qualities of themselves that they have to shed to be able to compete in a man’s world. I realized how true that is. I admit that I’ve mastered that “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” mentality in my younger days because I placed value on my professional accomplishments. I was still feminine and sexy as an outer shell, but my inner self was hard…core….again… <~ see what I did there?

As I get older though, become more settled as each day breaks, my value system has changed. I really believe that I can feel myself softening more and more each day and I wonder what that awareness is preparing me for. Eh. I won’t stress too much over the changes, but I’m glad to say that I realize and embrace that the changes are there. And now, instead of frowning, I break into a knowing smile when I hear “what…are little girls made of? Sugar and spice and everything nice….”…because that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Keep watching…the profound moment will come…2:35 to be exact.
Slow curtain…the end….

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2YpmSmBbMY]