It’s not that I’m lazy. It’s that, I just don’t care.

I admit it. I’ve got the 7 year itch. I’ve been faithful to my job, but emotionally unavailable to her. She’s everything that anyone could want in a profession – challenging, beautiful, exciting – but I’ve been taking her for granted.

I started looking at all of her flaws and judging her. Disengaging.  While she patiently waited for me day after day, I would come home late, or sometimes not at all. Making excuses. If you skimmed the surface, you would think that I was an attentive, perfect lover.  But if you dug deeper, you would see the truth.  Even though I was going thru the motions, anyone could look into my eyes and realize that I wasn’t 100% in it to win it.

And then the recession hit. Big time. Several of my colleagues lost their positions. Teachers, administrators, district personnel and in my case, student support services. No department went unscathed. My district is $41 million in debt (#notypo) and making cuts left and right.  You know the economy is bad when the educational field takes a hit.  Truth is, many of us go into the profession because one of the perks is lifetime job security.  Not anymore.

Just like in any relationship, sometimes it takes being faced with the reality that it may not always be there to either realize that it’s truly time for you to leave or reconnect.

I decided to reconnect. Before making any improvement on the outside, I had to readjust from within. I started with my home office. Back in 2005/2006, when I was working on my leadership degree and still basking in the newness of my counseling job – I lived in my home office space. It was organized. My computer was there, as well as my professional materials. I used that space to concentrate.

When my niece came to live with me, I pretty much relinquished that space to her. I didn’t even go into the room for almost 2 years. Around August, I cleaned it up, but still didn’t really utilize it.   It was so easy to crawl into bed with my laptop or take it downstairs to the living room while I watched TV.  That also gave me the excuse to be unfaithful day after day and night after night, with no remorse or worry about being caught.  That made me even more arrogant and aloof towards her.  This weekend, I made her mine again.

Just like with any relationship, LOVE is a choice.  It is an action verb.  You go through stages where the emotions may seem to fade, but that’s when you make a choice and dig deep, go back to the things that originally caused you to fall in love in the first place.  I have my Teacher of the Year and other awards on display, pictures of me with the clubs I sponsored, the yearbook dedications from my students, my cheerleading, dance squads and step teams, the notes and silly gifts from my colleagues.   My Harlem Renaissance post cards on the wall, my maps, everything that gives me LIFE and the ENERGY that I’ll need in the upcoming months.

The crowning touch is the teaching contract that was issued to my great-great grandmother, Lucy Burns. According to the contract, her original certificate was given to her in 1896.  The contract that I have is from the 1952-1953 school year.  Yep, once an educator begins, we’re in it to win it.  LOL!  She was paid a salary of $110 per month back then.  It’s hanging on the wall in front of my desk, along with my teaching certificate, my mother’s and my great-aunt Laura’s.

I’ve been on vacation for the past week.  On Monday, I’ll actually see my LOVE again for the first time in 7 days. I’m blushing, excited, ready to start anew. I hope that she’s willing to forgive me and welcome me back with open arms.

I think that my great-great grandmother, Lucy would definitely approve of our relationship and wish us happily ever after.  

Lucy C. Burns