“Maaaannn….that is my biggest fear about marriage. Not being able to order sauce when my wife and I go out to eat.”
My friend and I laughed, but I could see that he was dead ass serious. We were in the middle of an early dinner and both of us noticed a beautiful family in the restaurant – husband, wife and three small, gorgeous children who looked the perfect combination of both of them. The wife was pregnant and it seemed that all was well. But after the family got up to leave, the mother holding hands with two of the daughters and the dad carrying the third, my friend let out a deep breath and let out his sauce comment.
I burst out laughing because it was so random, but we both noticed that earlier when the waiter came to ask if they would like any sauce – the wife made a sweeping grand gesture with her arms, frowned up a little bit and said, “WE….dontwantnosauce” . But it wasn’t just that. The ONLY time the man said a word (and I mean ONLY time), was when his wife got up to use the rest room. He asked the waiter in a low voice if he could have extra onions with his meal. He and his wife never said one word to each other that during the entire meal. They didn’t even make eye contact.
As my friend sipped on his rum and coke, I looked at him – trying to imagine him without his easy laugh, and cool demeanor. I tried to picture him ever being in a situation with a partner where he wasn’t himself. As long as I’ve known him, it’s pretty hard to see his 6’5 frame shrinking to fit for anyone. When I told him that, he said “That’s because I’mma always have my sauce! And if my wife wanna ack up, I’ll pull a bottle out from my jacket and slam that bish on the table.” I just shook my head, because knowing him – he’d do that for real. Or would he?
Just like him, one of my biggest fears in a relationship is ‘losing my sauce’. When I’m in love (or even deep like) , I’m like a puppy. My tail wags uncontrollably. My home is filled with LIFE, LOVE and LAUGHTER. I kiss, I hug, I laugh, I joke. Even when I’m calm and subdued, I’m never lukewarm. My tail will thump, even when I’m sleeping. When I’m angry, and my eyes are shooting poison darts, there is still a saucy grin lurking behind my gas face if my guy does something silly. It’s a part of who I am.
Affection gives me LIFE. I love spontaneous hugs, twinkling eyes, soft statements that may not mean anything to a passing stranger but is perfectly understood by the two of us. I thrive on that. But I’ve also been in situations where my partner “dontwantnosauce” anymore and I’ve chosen stay – wait it out to see if it was a phase or if we’d truly lost the sauce. I’ve been in places, where I’ve wanted desperately to wag my tail, but can’t because what used to be natural – now seems silly and I feel helpless, off balance. Whenever I find myself that a situation like that – where the genuine affection from my mate has faded or intentionally withheld, it’s like a part of my true nature dies and that is a feeling (for me) that’s more horrible than death. It’s ‘living death’.
That’s what the man sitting at that table looked like, a ghost of his former self. A zombie. That won’t ever be me. *shudder*
I wonder if his sauce privileges were suspended because he’s been emasculated or because he screwed up and has to earn them back.
By the your description, this relationship is deeply flawed. The balance is skewed and the romantic connection is probably tenuous at best. But that may be enough for the Cosby appearance they have.
I too, wondered if he’d done something terrible and he was having to earn his place back. I can’t lie. In the past, I’ve been guilty of the cold shoulder treatment in lieu of a blow out argument but never to that degree.
The wife didn’t seem angry, just completely disengaged from him. The girls were precious, climbing all over both of them, and although they paid attention to them they completely ignored each other.
He just looked absent.
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