“Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.”

~Erica Jong

Yesterday, I left off with “STOP GIVING/TAKING SO MUCH DAMN ADVICE!!!!” Easier said than done, right? Our initial impulse as mothers (and ladies…we are ALL mothers – creative spirits – whether we have birth children or not) is to nurture those around us. The definition of nurture includes terms like feed, protect, support, encourage, bring up, train and educate. So yeah, it seems to be a part of our nature to seek or give advice.

I’ve been thinking about our habit of doing that a lot lately. Recently, I thought about my relationships with my friends and family, specifically one of my closest friends and my niece. The mother in me spent a lot of time over the last few years trying to guide them in directions that I felt were best for them. They both sought my advice frequently. While my words at the time were always given with love and the hope that they would find happiness, in retrospect, I should have asked more questions and given them the space to answer them on their own.  It wasn’t my job to try to fix any and every thing.  Not only was it emotionally draining, it also caused rifts as I became frustrated with who they “weren’t” at that time and they became frustrated with who I was attempting to force them to be.

One of the things that Mary Lane spoke about at her book signing, was that as women – we are the physical incarnation of Mother Earth. The Earth provides the foundation and the space for everything to grow and flourish in its season. Sure, She gives hints and nudges…and yes, you know when you’re doing something that She doesn’t approve of. But She remains constant. She does what’s known as “holds the space”.

I’m practicing that now…holding the space – with the people in my life and even myself. For my relationships, it means asking more questions related to my loved one’s level of peace/contentment with their journeys. Not always pointing out which direction it is that I think is best. Supporting their growth with freedom, instead of stifling it with my vision – and vice versa. Sometimes holding the space for yourself means disconnecting with the people who you normally run to for solace and wisdom. Take a break so that you can learn to listen to the Earth – to trust your intuition again. Get still. Be quiet. The more quiet you become, the louder Her voice will begin to sound…. (to be continued)