from the July 2007 archives….

um fellas? *wondering if any dudes actually still read this blog since I’ve been ghost* that’s ok. even if you don’t see it today, it’ll be here in the archives waiting to be discovered.

fellas – c’mere….come a little closer – yeah you in the back – the twenty something, awkward looking one? come to the front of the group and have a seat. let’s have a little adam and eve meets mars and venus discussion. ladies, y’all don’t have to circle them, smirking like that. you know the dudes will start feeling all nervous and shyt. back up a bit. ‘kay. everyone comfy? cool.

so, let’s talk about this “swagger” thing. i really think that this is a term that has been overused and misunderstood. but there’s no point of having a funeral for it, like we did the N word. it’ll just re-invent itself into some other cool slang (i.e. denzelin’, having a colt 45 moment, whatever).

we might as well embrace it ’cause it ain’t goin’ nowhere. first and foremost, let’s define it. anyone? anyone? ‘kay. you brave souls in the back that raised your hands? come to the front of the group because you’ll probably need to hear this. if you think that you can adequately define “swag”, then that prolly means you don’t have it and will need to move closer to take notes from your peers.

the thing is, as exasperated as my generation has become w/ the overuse of the term – it is something that needs to be discussed – especially as we begin to develop more upwardly mobile, gainfully employed african-american males. some of you seem to have mistakenly thought that by acquiring more education, a nicer wardrobe and some metro-sexual grooming tendencies you’ve magically stepped into that intangible, indescribable category of males that automatically ’cause women to swoon and wish they’d worn a pantyliner. you haven’t.

it’s not you – the nerd that made good with a nice job and “paper perfect” credentials. it’s not you – the former high school/college jock with the beer belly. and it’s not you – the 40something rap “artist” still searching for a record deal. it’s not you-the shy guy reading a book. it’s not you – the “evolved”  faux-deep, oh so enlightened dude who’s only trying to get knee deep in the pusseau.  and it’s not you, the dude that’s still hitting up every party trying to play the part of the black paris hilton male socialite.

it’s the guy that doesn’t HAVE to do anything except be. he doesn’t have to hone his networking skill set, because people are automatically drawn to him. he doesn’t have to be a witty conversationalist because when he looks at a person, they somehow leave feeling as though they’ve made a genuine connection with that person. he doesn’t discuss his wardrobe or grooming habits.  he’s not seeking validation every time he opens his mouth.  he doesn’t tell you that he’s a confident person, because he doesn’t have to. and when he walks into a room? he never announces his presence. he isn’t loud, boisterous, or very talkative for that matter. he rarely initiates conversation – not because he’s shy or nervous. it’s just that people tend to come to him.

but there’s no pre-determined criteria to that indescribable, intangible quality. it could very well be the nerd that made good, with his “paper perfect” credentials. it could be the former high school/college jock with the beer belly.  it could be the faux evolved, deep dude.  it could be the 40 something rap “artist” still searching for a record deal. it could be the shy guy reading a book. it could be the dude hitting up every party like a black paris hilton male socialite. or it could be you, sitting here in the crowd.

jesus had it. the father in the grocery story has it. mlk had it. malcolm x had it. charles manson has it. hell, hitler had it. even the toddler w/ the charming smile has it.

the point is, it’s everything and it’s nothing. sure, it would be nice to possess the “spirit of billy dee” but it’s really not necessary to enjoy your quality of life. in the grand scheme of things, women just want their men to be men – be themselves – whether they are comfortable in a crowd full of people or in the privacy of their own homes. as long as you’re comfortable in your own skin, everything else will fall into place.