“Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.”
~Bruce Lee
I am in LOVE with my best friend. I have been ever since we were 14…
That’s a bold statement, but it’s 100% the truth (since this is Thursday…LaVerdad…all honesty no filter day and all that). People on the outside would shout “SEE!!! I knew men and women couldn’t be platonic! Ah-HA!” But no. The people that know us best wouldn’t bat an eyelash. It isn’t that deep. And it has always been and always will be a pure friendship, without a hint of hanky-panky.
I’m in LOVE with him, but I don’t want to date him, sex him, marry him, breed with him or anything like that. What I am in LOVE with, is the feeling that I have whenever he’s around – the sense of security that I have knowing that he is a permanent fixture in my LIFE. It’s a familiarity that has never been forced. I know that he’s always seen me with his heart, even when his eyes tell him something different….and vice versa.
Regardless of our individual flaws, we “get” each other. As much as I may joke about his whodikkery (and he does mine too), it’s in a way that each of us tells the other “oel ngati kameie” <~ shout out to the Na'vi for all of you Avatar heads. 
Being “in LOVE” means giving and experiencing yourSELF in its purest form – without fear of being hurt. It’s a beautiful world to LIVE in and enjoy BEing. It’s one where your best of times and worst of times are fluid. Days blend and you stop counting because you’re aware that you’re on a LIFEtime journey together.
It’s that type of familiarity, purpose and potential that I look for (and haven’t found in a very long time) in all of my suitors before I allow myself to become vulnerable enough to fall in LOVE. I can recognize LOVE because I am already in it. I am in LOVE with a man that remains curious about my innerworkings even after years of thinking that he knows me – because to know me is to understand that my Spirit evolves daily. I am in LOVE with a guy that can watch me fret over something small in a crowd and fix it without me even realizing that he was paying attention. He makes it a point to stay emotionally connected. I am in LOVE with a guy that will throw caution to the wind and shoot to kill if he thinks that anyone has intentionally or unintentionally wronged me. He knows that feeling protected (even when I don’t consciously want to be) is a huge thing with me. And I’m in LOVE with a guy that makes me feel as though every day is Christmas, because each day is like opening up a custom-made present. It’s the type of friendship that pours over into whoever spends time with us and they immediately tap into the force we create and spread it around – pay it forward.
I get the phrase that “LOVE is friendship caught on fire”…because all of those things, when they are combined with romance, passion, chemistry and the Divine connection with the man that’s destined to be my LIFEmate? Whew! THAT is going to be a FORCE to behold.
![[x]](http://sojournersverdad.com/wp-content/themes/mad-meg/images/rss.png "Syndicate this site using RSS")
So the question is are you in love with your female best friend too? Or is being in love with a best friend strictly a male-female dynamic?
I’m curious because I don’t know that I have a platonic female best friend, so I can’t really answer it myself.
Yes, I am but its a different feeling. I don’t know if its because she’s female or if its because we became best friends at age 4.
In my male friend’s case, we were older (14) and he stepped in as friend, father and brother – which are the things make me comfortable in relationships. That’s something that my female best friend could never provide. I’m going to have to ask her how she feels about the dynamic because he’s also her best male friend.
I also think that’s where most ppl find themselves on a slippery slope because when a male friend provides all of those things for you, you think that’s automatically supposed to be your lover, too. But in my case (or our case) I see it as him providing the framework for what I seek in a romantic partner.
When you’re dating someone, do you let them see the dynamic between you two? If so, how does it make them feel? Also, do you expect to feel this same way about your mate? Can someone come into your life now and give you the feeling you get from someone you’ve known so long?
The dynamic hasn’t ever been a problem up til this point because its never been sexual in nature. No googly eyes, inappropriate comments, etc. Its more like fraternal twins.
In fact, he has always befriended my boyfriends to the point where they will hang out w/ him outside of me. In HS, I dated his male best friend for a year – although, at the time that we met neither of us realized at first, that we had him in common.
I definitely expect to feel this way about my mate, and I have experienced that feeling with a previous partner or two. It’s not about the length of time that we’ve known each other, but the level of comfort and security. That’s been there w/ us since day one. So yes, I think a new guy can enter my life and still have that connection.
The reason that I framed the post this way – being “in love” is because the same type of friendship foundation that I have w/ my BFF is the same one that I will need w/ my mate.
I love this post because it’s speaking to me. You really expressed an emotion that I don’t think many people are able to verbalize or even understand sometimes.
In your reply to Ms. Smart you said that you expect to feel this way about your mate. Do you expect your mate to take over the role that your best friend currently plays in your life?
I knew that ppl would prolly focus on the best friend thing, but what I want to magnify is the feeling that the frienship elicits because I think its the type of friendship that I need w/ my future mate.
To answer your question, most DEFINITELY. In the past, in my healthiest relationships my mate has fulfilled that role. Its not designated only to my BFF. He just happens to hold the space when I need it. When I’m dating/in relationships, he blends into whatever/whoever he needs to be depending on what’s needed. And he always gives the guy the respect and opportunity to become the ONE. There’s plenty of room and expectation for my mate to charter his own way.
The concept of whether more than one person can inhabit the inner space of your heart is pretty interesting. I think more than one person can be in our inner space because our needs are different for each person. My best friend is a guy and I would move mountains for him (I have always felt that way) but my sweetheart lives in the deepest place in my heart. My best friend knows that, his wife knows that and my sweetie knows it. No competition, they just ARE and that’s the way I like it.
THIS!!! ^^^
One other thing that came to my mind as I thought about my post and our discussion is that for most girls, we think that the first guy a girl falls in love with and learns love from is her dad.
I, unfortunately, didn’t have that experience. My BFF filled that role. My mother dated the same guy for a number of years, but she didn’t bring him around for me to observe him in a father role until around the same time that I met my BFF.
I think, that in my case, I was blessed to have a friend that stepped in and stood in the gap that my biological father left.