Happy Sunday, folks! I’m not sure if I mentioned it here or over on Twitter, that I wore a dress to work a couple of weeks ago that I bought in April.  At the time, I wasn’t quite able to fit it.  The fabric  stretched comfortably over my hips, buttoned all the way to my waist, squeeeeeeeeezed over my tummy and threw up a white flag when it got to my bosoms.  That was OK w/ me.  In fact, it was intentional.  When I purchased the dress, I knew that I couldn’t fit it – but that I WOULD. 

I hung it up on in my bathroom/bedroom closet door so that I had to look at it (and lust over it) every morning and evening.  It was my inspiration dress – not the first of its kind, but the latest….

See, I have to do that for myself.  It’s not a waste of money in the slightest bit.  I consider it an investment.  And when I was able to button the dress from my calves to my cleavage with room to spare that morning, I was geeked.  Women and men complimented me on the color and style all day long.  Strangers stopped me to ask where I purchased it. Later that evening, I bought another inspiration dress to replace it.

The new fabric stretches comfortably over my thighs and stomach.  It zips from the waist to my underarms and only slightly gasps for breath at the bosom area (lol).  It won’t be long before I’m rocking that one comfortably, too.  A lot of people have asked me what I’ve been doing to “shake my weight”, so I figured that I’d share here.  It bugs me when people who have never struggled w/ extra pounds say things like, “Eat right!  Exercise!  Simple!” *hair flip* Man, they can #missmewiththatshyt because that’s not always the case.

I am someone who had been skinny all of her life.  I could (and did) eat anything I wanted and still disappear when I turned sideways.  My freshman year of college, instead of gaining the dreaded freshman fifteen.  I LOST 15 pounds.  I went home weighing 100 pounds even though I used my stipend money to order large pizzas every day.  So imagine my surprise when I began to lose the 8-pack stomach muscles I once had.  At first, I didn’t sweat it.  I joined a gym and was back in business w/ a 4-6 pack depending on the day.  But then, I realized that I was going to have to actually work at maintaining my figure.  I was shocked, but I did it.

Then, all of a sudden – no matter how much I worked out – I began to put on weight.  I didn’t understand what was happening.  I wasn’t a fast food junkie, I don’t even dig on sweets too much, but no matter what I did I gained.  I tried dieting, Weight Watchers, Gold’s Gym, Curves, fat burners, exercising until midnight, waking up before the crack of dawn to get in gym time – you name it, I tried.  Then when I almost gave up…almost accepted that maybe I was destined to keep growing I stopped everything…and then, I began to lose.

What I realized is that my weight gain was tied to my emotions.  The baggage that I stored in my mind and heart, also stored itself  in my body.   Mary Lane talks about Mother Nature and how our bodies, just like nature, are SUPPOSED to go through a hibernation period during certain times of year.  We should pick up weight intentionally, to sustain us while we are emotionally replenishing ourselves but then it should shed when we don’t need it any more.  My problem was that I wasn’t shedding the weight.  My body held on to it because it thought that I needed it to survive, but the truth was – I was in a state of semi-depression.

Maybe one day, I’ll write about my depression and how I overcame it. But for the purpose of this post, I want you guys to know that it was there and THAT was the root of my weight gain and key to my weight loss.

I see a lot women that talk about exercise, size, losing weight, etc.  but no one ever discusses the psychological/emotional aspect to weight gain/loss.  It’s high time that we did.  I am happy to say that now, my body has finally regulated itself.  I’m not exactly where I want to be. I have a LOT of toning to do.  But I’m 5 lbs away from where I was when I left grad school and still losing.   The beautiful part is that I don’t diet, I don’t obsess over calories and I don’t exercise myself to death…I’m simply content.  I also don’t panic when I see the scale creep.  I recognize my hibernation periods and I pay close attention to my moods and when that period extends itself longer than it should, I “shake weight” —->  RELAX, RELATE, RELEASE….mind, soul and BODY.