“When one door closes, another one opens.”

” ‘Saying no’, only means ‘saying yes’ to a different situation.”

~Old folks wisdom that people usually ignore when they’re feeling rejected

Recently, I sat with a heartbroken student of mine.  As she sobbed over the betrayal of her first…everything, my brain scrambled to find words of comfort for her.  It’s hard…trying to convince someone that LIFE does indeed move on…especially when the person can’t see farther than the tears in their eyes at the moment.

What struck me during our conversation was how similar her words and experiences at 15 were to some of the conversations I’d had with my peers at 25…and even now, at 35.  It was in that moment that I was able to see just how the pattern of mistreatment and low self-esteem sets in.  As I looked at her and replenished the Kleenex box, her face transformed into the faces of many women that I’ve had conversations with (and even my own face).

We oftentimes, don’t realize how the choices in romantic partners we make during our youth sets the stage for our future encounters.  As she sobbed about her fear that she would never be able to find another boyfriend, I thought about the adult women I knew making LIFE choices based upon that same mentality – the possibility that there won’t be anyone else.  When I shared that with her, she asked me how does she began to think differently.  I didn’t have an answer.

Rejection is tough.  Trust me, I know.  I’ve experienced it on multiple occasions – professionally and emotionally.  I’m not sure when, but at some point I started trusting in my [insert synonym for "journey" here] *eyeroll at Ms. Smart*  more than a present circumstance.

The first time that I was aware of BEing in that space was when I was not hired for the first counseling position that I applied for.  My resume never got past the administrator that I interviewed with.   Ironically, the person that they hired was grossly incompetent and the administrator’s supervisor asked to see the applicant pool the following year and was shocked that I wasn’t chosen initially.  But during that “year of rejection”, I was able to have the closure that I needed for my teaching experience, win awards, travel with the club that I sponsored, etc.  It was an AMAZING final year.  And then when I did finally move into the counseling job, the incompetence of the previous hiree made me look like a superstar.

The second time was when I was not chosen for a graduate school Educational Leadership co-hort.  I was shocked because I (and everyone else) thought that I was a shoo-in.  The blessing in that was that there was a major upheaval in my district that spring.  My principal (the same one who found my resume in the pool and hired me) wrote a glowing recommendation letter for me AND set up an interview for me at a school in another district…making $13,000 more annually.  Oh, and the Educational Leadership program?  I was able to finish a semester ahead of my peers.  And if I’d gone through the co-hort I would have had to stay in my district for an additional 3 years instead of moving on to the better job.  #pow

So yes, some doors are meant to be closed.  But there isn’t just ONE door available to walk through.  Someone may tell you “No” in order for someone else to have the opportunity to say “Yes”.  India wasn’t lying when she said “There’s a blessing in every lesson.”  Trust the [insert synonym for "journey" here].  Trust yourSELF #laverdad